Reading survivor memoirs is important (of all kinds, but of sexualized violence in particular). Society demands so much transparency from survivors of sexualized violence that survivors do not owe anyone. Curious and skeptical as we human beings are, we often want to hear first-hand experiences of trauma, not scholarly sources or statistics.
And though we are curious, we are not owed other people’s trauma stories for our own interest.
While some survivors of trauma choose to share their stories, they are often forced to grow a thick skin to the criticism they receive. For decades, members of the public have felt the need to step into the investigator role when reading news stories or gossiping amongst ourselves about sexualized violence:
- “Well is that what REALLY happened?”
- “Are we sure she wasn’t just being vindictive?”
- “She should’ve known better.”
- “If they were REALLY sexually assaulted, they would’ve reported it immediately.”
And it’s not entirely our individual fault; we’ve all been conditioned to do this through rape culture (yes, you too – you’ve been conditioned by it). Rape culture is the social concept that sexualized violence is normalized, excused, and trivialized through victim-blaming, misogyny, and toxic social norms, which most “critiques” of survivor stories are rooted in. Understandably, many survivors aren’t chomping at the bit to get vulnerable and share their story publicly, thereby opening themselves up to scrutiny about everything they “should have” done.
But with empathy and an open heart, we can uncondition ourselves from questioning survivors before anything else. Many brave survivors have already shared their stories with the world, on their own terms. We’ve compiled a few that have resonated with us, but this is certainly not an exhaustive list. Use their grace for your own (un)learning, and read them with care.
Gisèle Pelicot, A Hymn to Life: Shame has to Change Sides
Gisèle is the icon she never asked or wanted to be – as most survivors are. Raw and poignant, her own recollection (or lack thereof) of her trauma was shocking to read about, and her desire to hold onto the parts of her husband that she loved while also understanding the degrading harm he caused was deeply emotional, and a duality that so many survivors of abuse from a loved one struggle with. Her bravery to open up her case to the public not only brought her strength, but signalled her mantra – shame has to change sides. Yes it must, Gisèle, and you are catapulting that change forward. Gisèle was named as the most noteworthy person of 2024 in an opinion poll in France, eclipsing world leaders, and was honored by Time. To mark International Women’s Day, The Independent named her the most influential woman of 2025.
Tarana Burke, Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement
The title says it all. Any advocate for survivor’s rights and destigmatizing rape culture needs to know where the roots began: with a brave woman named Tarana whose career led her down a path where she had come across several survivors of sexualized violence. Being a survivor herself, she soon learned that there was a lack of awareness, resources, and justice for women experiencing sexualized violence. As Burke found herself personally relating to these stories, she soon became an advocate and committed her life’s work to the cause. Specifically, Burke’s work focuses on giving a voice to black women and girls who are survivors of sexualized violence, which ultimately leads to the birth of the #MeToo movement of the 2010’s.
Chanel Miller, Know My Name
Famously known only as “Emily Doe” or “the unconscious woman”, Chanel was the survivor in the highly publicized 2015 Brock Turner / Stanford University case. In 2016, her victim impact statement touched people around the world (read it here). It was the most eloquent, touching, and powerful piece of writing by a survivor most of us had ever read. Her memoir is a wonderful read and provides real insight into the experience of a survivor whose experiences, thoughts, and impacts are universally shared by the many survivors we support at the Centre. In addition, Chanel is an amazing writer! She has a unique skill of saying things simply while also transporting the reader into her experience in a way that isn’t gratuitous or voyeuristic.
rupi kaur, milk and honey
This debut collection of poems is intensely deep, dripping in emotion and inspiration, and covering a breadth of topics that many can relate to. The delicate line drawings that accompany the poems bring a softness to words that bring the experience of hurting, loving, breaking, and healing to life. milk and honey is the perfect book for when you want to take a moment to disconnect from the world around you and pause to connect with yourself. If you have ever experienced pain, this book brings hope. As a survivor of sexualized violence, rupi’s stories cover many universal experiences of survivors and touches on many of the enduring impacts in her relationships, and in her life.
Toufah Jallow, TOUFAH: The Woman Who Inspired an African #MeToo Movement
TOUFAH is Toufah Jallow’s memoir about her experience going from the golden child of her country and a future wife to the country’s dictator to a silenced young woman with too many responsibilities on her shoulders. Toufah’s abuser exhibits exactly the kind of insidious, difficult to detect characteristics that many abusers have in common – apparently charming, pious, progressive, and certainly powerful – all of which are called out in her memoir. Toufah’s story is one of resilience, courage, advocacy, and West African excellence that all allies should read.
Vanessa Springora, Consent
Translated into English from her native French, Consent by Vanessa Springora is a staggering account of her experiences of sexual abuse, grooming, and eventually, healing from her not-too-distant childhood. Certainly not for the faint of heart, Vanessa writes with honesty and clarity that leaves nothing about the manipulation, confusion, or betrayal of sexual abuse to the imagination. She gives voice to the complicated layers and varied impacts that sexual abuse survivors around the world live with every day. Written from the perspective of her younger self, Vanessa articulates the intricacies of romantic love, ownership, consent, and the larger social movements taking place in 1980’s France. This memoir is not just powerful to the reader; Vanessa’s story has sent shockwaves through the Parisian intellectual community, caused reform to the French age of consent laws, and has been described as the “#MeToo moment for France’s literary circles”.
Emily Ratajkowski, My Body
You may have heard of Emily before, or you may have seen her face (or body) before and not known her name. Regardless of whether you know of her or not, her collection of essays about femininity, power, ownership, sexuality, consent, and abuse is one of the best things we’ve read in a loooooooong time. Emily’s experiences are not unique or unheard of; unfortunately, they are quite the opposite. Survivors deserve more with less justification and explanation. Thank-you, Emily, for giving voice to survivors everywhere and helping survivors feel less alone.
Paris Hilton, Paris: The Memoir
Known almost exclusively by her “dumb blonde” persona, Paris Hilton shows the world once again that we should never judge a book by its cover. For years, Paris has battled misogyny from the public, often leaning into her tropes rather than fighting them again, and again, and again. In recent years, Paris has become an activist, helping pass laws in Washington DC protecting and advocating for hundreds of thousands of abused children and protecting future victims of child sexual abuse. Now, Paris has bravely shared details of her violent experiences as a child and adolescent in her new memoir, and how she’s found freedom since then.
Karin Martel, Shop Class Hall Pass: Facing the Buried Trauma of Sexual Assault
Karin Martel, a 911 call-taker and police dispatcher in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, shares her story of acknowledging the wide-reaching impacts of a trauma that you didn’t even realize impacted you so much (a struggle many survivors of abuse experience). As she comes to understand the impacts of trauma in her life, she also learns that as grim as the word ‘trauma’ sounds, there are many paths to recovery, and healing is possible.
Jane Doe, The Story of Jane Doe: A Book about Rape
Startling, incisive and surprisingly funny, this is the true story of a woman who challenged stereotypes, the justice system, the police — and won. This true story starts in 1986, and will make you laugh, cry, rage, and celebrate (some all within the same chapter). While this read is very heavy, it not only provides a survivor perspective, but asks important questions, like, “who benefits from sexualized violence?” The Story of Jane Doe is such an important text for folks looking for a deeper understanding about the history of sexualized violence in Canada first hand. Read with care.
Chessy Prout, I Have the Right To: A High School Survivor’s Story of Sexual Assault, Justice, and Hope
Chessy’s memoir hits home for many survivors of sexual assault: something terrifying happened to them, they did everything right, and they still faced backlash from those close to them. Hers is a story of public perception taking over the survivor’s experience. It’s a story of “safe adults” failing children and teens by being complacent in the face of abuse. It’s a story of the institution protecting itself before the youth that walk the halls. Prout’s resilience should not have been necessary, but is beautiful nonetheless as she builds upon the belief that there’s no such thing as a “perfect victim”.
Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey, What Happened To You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
This book is such an interesting combination of psycho-education and intimate conversations about their personal and professional experiences. From children to adults, extreme neglect to sexualized violence, the two authors discuss a variety of traumatic experiences to illustrate both the impacts of trauma as well as the pieces that heal trauma. It’s been a really beautiful read and wonderful insight into the mind of a trauma psychologist.
Additionally, here a few helpful reads by advocates and trauma professionals to provide some foundational context to sexual assault, rape culture, and the phenomenon of trauma.
Sarah Weinman, Without Consent: A Landmark Trial and the Decades-Long Struggle to Make Spousal Rape a Crime
Without Consent is an eye-opening story about the first major spousal rape trial in America (Oregon v. Rideout) during a time when marital rape was legal. This 1978 trial changed the standard for women’s rights within a marriage, and challenged issues around gender, sexuality, misogyny, and power. Mental health professionals may find this not-too-historical piece of the puzzle helpful for working with survivors of marital abuse.
Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
Trauma is a fact of life. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity. Based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists, The Body Keeps the Score exposes the tremendous power of our relationships both to hurt and to heal—and offers new hope for reclaiming lives.
Gabor Maté, The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture
Renowned physician and addiction expert Dr Gabor Maté has seen how health systems neglect the role that trauma exerts on our bodies and our minds. In The Myth of Normal, Dr Maté connects the dots between our personal suffering and the pressures of modern-day living – with disease as a natural reflection of a life spent growing further and further apart from our true selves. But, with deep compassion, he also shows us a pathway to health and healing.
Filled with stories of people in the grip of illness or in the triumphant wake of recovery, this life-affirming book proves true health is possible – if we are willing to reconnect with each other and our authentic selves.
Most of these books involve depictions of sexual abuse, assault, or harassment. Please read them with care and in a safe space. If you are feeling triggered, our 24-7 Crisis Line is available at 306-244-2224.
