December 11, 2020 by Morgan Price

#HolidayGivingCampaign 2020 – Jill’s Story

Trigger Warning: depictions of sexualized violence

*The following story is a client composite built incorporating the experiences of many real survivors. A composite was created for privacy.

SSAIC’s #HolidayGivingCampaign 2020 – Jill’s Story

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My name is Jill; I am an adult who identifies as female. Throughout my life, I’ve experienced sexualized violence multiple times, and these experiences have impacted every facet of my life: my physical and mental health, my family, my employment, my friendships and my intimate relationships. Thanks to SSAIC, I’m beginning to get my life back. This is my story.

I was 6 years old when my uncle sexually abused me for the first time, and he continued to sexually abuse me for the next 9 years. I never told anyone. I loved my uncle, and so did the rest of my family, so I didn’t know how to make sense of the awful things he did to me. I was scared to share what was happening to me with anyone because I didn’t think anyone would believe me, and I didn’t want to cause a rift in my family. These are things my abuser told me would happen, and I believed him. When I turned 15, the abuse gradually stopped. I didn’t know why. I also never knew why he chose me to abuse me in the first place. He told me it was because I was special, so I thought that maybe the abuse stopped because I wasn’t special anymore.

After the abuse started, I became a very moody child (what was later in my life labelled as anxiety and depression). I tended to overreact or underreact to situations; I rarely felt that my responses to circumstances or to people were considered normal or appropriate. Sometimes large chunks of time would pass by when I wouldn’t really be present, which impacted my learning. I remember all my teachers telling me how much potential I had; I felt stupid for not living up to it. Other times, I would have outbursts in school, so I would get in trouble with my teachers and then with my parents. I had a really hard time making and maintaining friends because my behaviour was so unpredictable. This erratic behaviour carried from the day into the night where I began to have difficulty falling and staying asleep. My relationship with my parents was greatly impacted. They didn’t know how to help me because they didn’t really know what was wrong. I carried these impacts with me into adolescence and adulthood.

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The sexual abuse is was experiencing from my uncle had stopped, but the impacts had not. In highschool, I began skipping and got farther and farther behind in my classes. My childhood dream of going to university seemed like it belonged to someone else. I started binge drinking and using marijuana to help me to sleep and to cope with all the emotions and difficulties I was experiencing. I didn’t know how to make things better. I worried about what the result would be if I told someone what happened to me. Fear of the unknown convinced me that telling would make things worse not better, so I kept the secret. I used self-harm to numb my pain, and I struggled with suicidal thoughts. In grade 10, I was sexually assaulted by a friend in his car. We were all drinking at a house party, and when he offered to drive me home, I accepted without thinking twice; I thought I could trust him. This experience led me to question my own judgement and evaluations of people. Now, in addition to not trusting others, I didn’t really trust myself.

I told no one about this assault. I isolated myself, sinking into a deep depression; I’d sleep for days, not eat, shower, or sleep, and cry a lot. My parents were worried, but when their efforts to help me didn’t work, their worry turned to frustration and anger. Whatever self-esteem I had at this point plummeted; I felt ashamed of the assault, and of what others would think about it. I didn’t think I was worthy of help or support, let alone love. I believed that there must be something wrong with me because if there wasn’t something wrong with me, why did this keep happening? It was after this assault I really remember my intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, and panic attacks starting. At random points throughout my day, I’d be flooded with memories of the childhood abuse or recent assault, and I’d struggle for hours afterward to calm my mind and body. My substance use increased; I wasn’t able to sleep or to cope with each new day without it.

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As a young adult, I was frequently sexually harassed in the street by strangers, at bars by random men, and at my first few serving jobs by customers and employers. Honestly, most of this harassment didn’t compare to the abuse I’d experienced as a child, but each of these situations triggered me, which I didn’t realize at the time. In many respects, I accepted this behaviour as normal, but at the same time, each time I was harassed generated an internal reaction like I was being molested all over again. I couldn’t picture a life where sexualized violence wasn’t a normal part of my day-to-day. My substance use continued in response, and most of my relationships with friends and family continued to deteriorate.

After a string of boyfriends, who, in hindsight, were all abusive to me in one way or another, I married my now ex-husband. I’d only known him for eight months, but he was the nicest man I’d ever been with. My family pressured me to “settle down”, and I was hopeful that marriage would protect me. We had been married for 6 months when things started to gradually change. It was so gradual that at first I didn’t notice, and I certainly didn’t see the behaviours as the “red flags” that I do now. Over time, he became increasingly manipulative, threatening, and eventually violent, both physically and sexually. Once again, I told no one, and dealt with the abuse and the shame in private for years.

Through early adulthood, I continued to struggle with developing healthy relationships and found it difficult to trust others as well as myself. I had difficulties with sexual intimacy, often experiencing triggers during sex. I had challenges with knowing and maintaining healthy boundaries; I never said “no” to people I wanted to like me. At some family events, when I knew my abusive uncle would be there, I either wouldn’t go or experienced great anxiety and would suddenly leave. I still have a strained relationship with various family members, including my parents, due to the impacts of sexualized violence that I have experienced and that they don’t know about.

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My world changed when my abusive uncle was charged with abusing another young girl. I was horrified and flooded with guilt that I had never told anyone about him abusing me; perhaps if I had told, he wouldn’t have hurt anyone else. Feeling overwhelmed with my secret, I told a close friend about my history of sexual violence. She was incredibly supportive and gently encouraged me to see a counsellor. I resisted for a while but eventually agreed to therapy. That’s when my friend brought me to SSAIC.

I told my counsellor everything, but not all at once. It took me several sessions to fully open up and share my whole story. My counsellor validated my experiences, allowed me to cry, and didn’t push me to tell my story before I was ready. They taught me about triggers and flashbacks, and how to manage them. They shed light on so many other impacts I’d experienced that I would never have connected to the violence I endured. In addition, they were able to refer me to other healthcare professionals. I was able to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with post-traumatic stress disorder, general anxiety disorder and depression and helped create a suitable treatment plan with me.

There were approximately 23 years between my first experience of sexualized violence to when I accessed counselling services for the first time here at SSAIC.

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I’m now in my 30’s, single, and working to heal the trauma from my past. I’ve developed a strong network of professional and personal supports, which I couldn’t have done without the assistance of SSAIC. For the first time, I have hope for my future – I feel worthwhile and capable of having a future. SSAIC absolutely saved my life and also provided me with the support needed to find joy in this life.

While Jill is not a real individual, her story represents the reality of many. The abuse that Jill experienced in childhood happens to 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys before the age of 18. In addition, many of the impacts and barriers to accessing support that Jill faced throughout her life are common experiences of survivors.

This holiday season, please consider donating to SSAIC to save and enhance the lives of survivors in our community. Your support makes a difference.

#BelieveSurvivors #YouAreWorthy

August 14, 2020 by Morgan Price

Covid-19 & Sexualized Violence: How Survivors Have Been Impacted

By Faye Davis, Executive Director & Morgan Price, Education & Outreach Coordinator

The most common question we get asked these days is, “What impact is Covid-19 having on survivors of sexualized violence?”

This is a tough question to answer, as the impacts will continue to affect survivors long after the pandemic is over. While each survivor’s experience is unique, survivors of sexualized violence are more at risk to experience the following impacts:

Increased Stress Responses

Sexualized violence survivors are trauma survivors, and it is common for trauma survivors to experience increased levels of anxiety and stress as a direct result of experiencing sexualized violence. With the added stress of the pandemic, the stress responses in their bodies may rise to levels that survivors have difficulty coping with. One of the impacts of trauma is difficulty regulating the nervous systems when experiencing stress. In addition, access to their counsellor, doctors, mental health workers, and other supports may have been temporarily halted or delivered through alternative methods during the initial phases of the pandemic.

Retraumatization and Triggers

Survivors have noted similarities between the circumstances of the pandemic and their experiences of sexualized violence. Isolation, helplessness, fear, feeling trapped, and a lack of control and choice are common experiences of many people living through Covid-19. This can remind survivors of those same experiences connected to their sexual trauma, and creates opportunities for the pandemic to trigger old memories, emotions, impacts, and ways of coping.

Reversion to Old Coping Techniques

Survivors, especially those who were abused as children, have often developed and used many coping mechanisms to manage the impacts of their trauma over their lifetimes. They may have filled their lives with work to feel in control, expanded their social networks to stay connected, or joined a yoga community to stay grounded. When these outlets weren’t available during the initial shutdown, the feelings they were coping with by using these outlets may have risen to the surface. Other coping mechanisms, like using food, alcohol, online gambling, substance use, or self harm had the opportunity to thrive during quarantine. Mixed with societal acceptance of coping however possible during the pandemic, these coping mechanisms could have been very tempting during this time of heightened stress.

Isolation of Children

Unfortunately, the majority of child sexual abuse happens by someone who has consistent access to that child, not by random strangers. So although we would think that children would be safer during lockdown, this isn’t true for children being sexually victimized by someone in the home. These children will often only report the abuse to a trusted adult outside of the household, like teachers, daycare providers, or extended family members. In addition, these trusted adults who see the child frequently may be able to observe behavior that lead them to suspect a child may be a victim of sexual abuse. Without the ability to be around each other during the height of the pandemic, vulnerable children did not have this safety network available to them, and were therefore at a greater risk of sexual abuse.

In addition to the ways survivors were directly impacted, perpetrators of sexualized violence were able to use the pandemic to their advantage in several ways, which had the potential to further harm vulnerable folks.

Sexual assault is not motivated by a desire for sex, but by a desire to control and dominate others through violence. As pandemic stressors may create greater feelings of powerlessness and lack of control, perpetrators may increase attempts to control others through sexualized violence.

Individuals who are being sexually abused by their intimate partners are at increased risk. Many were forced to quarantine with their abusive partners, who may be no longer working, working from home, or angry about the pandemic in general. This isolation increases the abusive partner’s desire to control and makes it more difficult for the survivor to access help.

Survivors who are experiencing poverty, homelessness, food insecurity, or addictions are also at a greater risk for revictimization; perpetrators may use coerced sex as an “exchange” for food, drugs, alcohol, a place to stay, or other resources.

Perpetrators who groom and sexually exploit children and other vulnerable folks online have increased opportunities, as more individuals are online during the pandemic for school, work, and socialization.

Vulnerable individuals who live in care facilities due to diverse cognitive, mental, or physical abilities are at increased risk of becoming victims of sexualized violence. In facilities where visiting has been restricted, perpetrators are less likely to be observed and the victim has less opportunity to report to busy staff and unavailable loved ones.

The good news is…

Perpetrators of sexualized violence are likely to find their victims in places where they are trusted or have authority over others, which makes their victims vulnerable. They hunt in workplaces, sports clubs, churches, schools, and any other public gathering space. With the initial Covid-19 closures, these hunting grounds were unavailable to perpetrators. As most people have limited their social circles to a small group of people and more interaction is taking place virtually, perpetrators continue to have decreased access to non-family members and close friend groups.

SSAIC Covid-19 Service Restrictions

While SSAIC has changed the way we deliver services, we are still available and working to support survivors. Our office intake line (306-244-2294) is available from 9am-noon and 1pm-5pm, Monday to Friday with counsellors available to take calls from survivors or anyone seeking information. Our 24-hour crisis line (306-244-2224) is always available 365 days a year. We are offering face-to-face counselling on a limited basis; all previous clients have the option of selecting face-to-face or telephone counselling. Our counsellors are continuing to offer telephone counselling, information, and support.

Visit our website for more information and to subscribe to our monthly newsletter. Don’t miss a beat on our blog; follow SSAIC on Facebook and Instagram for all the latest news and alerts on new blog posts.

June 19, 2020 by Morgan Price

An Open Letter to Malcolm Gladwell

Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know about the People We Don ... — *The cover of Malcolm Gladwell’s latest publication, “Talking to Strangers”*

June 19, 2020

Dear Mr. Gladwell,

We were looking forward to reading your newest book “Talking to Strangers” as we are both fans of your work. We enjoy your ability to challenge the structures and beliefs we accept and/or hold dear by encouraging us to think about them in new ways. In “Talking to Strangers” you theorize that everyday communication is difficult due to:

truth default theory (TDT), which states that our fundamental reaction to the receipt of any new information is to first believe. TDT is only challenged when doubts and misgivings rise to the point we can no longer explain them away.
illusion of transparency; this is our belief that we can reliably know what people are thinking and what their motivations are by observing their behavior.
our failure to understand the importance of context.

While these theories may be true, your application of them within the two case studies dealing with sexual assault resulted in conclusions that were simplistic and just plain wrong. What you fail to do in discussing the horrific child sexual abuse perpetrated by Jerry Sandusky, Defensive Coordinator of the Penn State football team, and the sexual assault of Chanel Miller (formerly known as Emily Doe) who was sexually assaulted by Brock Turner on the Stanford University campus is demonstrate any understanding of the following realities:

Sexual assault is a crime of violence in which perpetrators seek to assert their power and control over another individual sexually. Myths and biases are held in our society that excuse or attempt to minimize sexual assault as a miscommunication. Failure to understand sexual assault as a crime of violence allows a shift toward blaming the victim/survivor as we look to the behavior of the survivor for their failure to communicate clearly.
Sexual assault is experienced as a trauma which causes our bodies and brains to respond differently than we would in a regular situation. Knowledge of the body’s trauma response assists in understanding the behavior of sexual assault survivors during and after a sexual assault.
Context should include and acknowledge harmful systemic myths and biases that are also at play when we talk to strangers. In failing to acknowledge these systemic myths and biases, you perpetuate them.

We’d like to draw your attention to what is missing in your analysis.

Mr. Gladwell, in “Chapter Five; Case Study: The Boy in the Shower”, you state that, within the truth default theory (TDT), when forced to choose between two alternatives or truths, individuals will default to the “most likely” interpretation. In this situation, it seems that in addition to those who default to the “most likely” interpretation of events, there are also those who default to the “most familiar” or the “most comfortable” interpretation. You do acknowledge that the TDT challenge point is not the same for every individual, but you do not mention the various personal reasons individuals may rationalize or deny what is in front of them – self-preservation, fear, shame, racism, and sexism to name a few; these are powerful reasons to default to the most familiar and/or comfortable interpretation.

What you also fail to explain to your readers is that those who suspected something was wrong in “The Boy in the Shower” but did not act, did not do so simply because of their willingness to believe Jerry Sandusky when he said he was not sexually abusing children. In reality, their inaction was influenced by an individual and societal failure to understand sexual violence, its prevalence, and the behaviors and tools used by perpetrators to victimize children.

Perpetrators of child sexual abuse put themselves in a position of authority and/or trust, so they can easily have access to children, they can explain away their interest and attention as something positive, and they can win the trust of the parent/caregiver as well as others.

Perpetrators groom children by fulfilling needs and making them feel special by providing them with extra time, attention, gifts, and affection. Perpetrators use this special relationship to create situations in which they and the child are alone together (tutoring, coaching, special outings). Perpetrators will begin to very slowly and progressively sexualize the relationship ensuring that their behavior can be explained away as innocent encounters.

Perpetrators maintain control over the child by threatening to remove the affection or extra attention. Perpetrators tell children that no one will believe them, or that the child and/or their family will get into trouble if they tell someone.

Mr. Gladwell, you also neglect to acknowledge that there is a duty to report suspected child abuse, for every citizen. This duty does not require one to determine what is and is not true – only to report what one saw, what one heard, or what led to a concern. This chapter minimizes the responsibility that we all share to educate ourselves about child sexual abuse and to report to authorities if we have concerns about behavior so that together we can protect all of our children.

In “Chapter 8; Case Study: The Fraternity Party”, in which the sexual assault of Chanel Miller occurred, you focus your discussion on how alcohol, particularly in specific contexts, influences the interaction between strangers: transparency and decision making are impacted by myopia (only being able to focus on what is happening in front of you without context). When interviewed by Oprah Winfrey about your book, and about this chapter specifically, you stated “You take an eighteen-year-old, who is full of hormones, who’s immature, who doesn’t have much experience with girls, you take him to a frat party, you get him 2 to 2.5 times the legal limit of alcohol, so he’s completely myopic, you crank up the music, you have all kinds of mayhem around him, first of all, he’s no longer himself and secondly he is primed to do something incredibly stupid if not criminal.” Despite the new theory you present about the effects of alcohol on an individual’s ability to control their behavior, you downplay, and lack explanation for, the multitude of people who drink and don’t sexually victimize others in any context. Your discussion of context also minimizes or does not detail for your readers the fact that Brock Turner was sexually aggressive with others during the evening, that two witnesses to the assault testified that Chanel Miller was unconscious and that when confronted by witnesses who came upon Turner assaulting Ms. Miller, that he attempted to run away.

You Know Emily Doe's Story. Now Learn Her Name. - The New York Times — *Chanel Miller, author of “Know My Name”; formerly known as Emily Doe in the highly publicized Stanford sexual assault case in 2015.*

Further, you do not mention that alcohol and drugs are the tools most often purposely used by perpetrators to either select their victims or render them more vulnerable to assault. You also fail to mention that perpetrators often intentionally drink themselves so that they may use the defense of diminished capacity to explain behavior that was planned and meticulously carried out.

Finally, your discussion of context within this chapter does not consider that sexual assaults may occur because of a general belief that this is okay – okay in certain circumstances; okay in certain environments; okay with certain people. The discussion of “hypersexualized chaos of fraternity parties and bars” needs to be broadened to a societal context where power imbalances and sexual violence are normalized, excused, and sometimes encouraged. Chanel Miller consumed alcohol. As a consequence, what she expected was a hangover, not to be a victim of sexual assault committed against her while she was unconscious, outside, on the ground, next to a dumpster.

By not providing a comprehensive discussion of communication in “Chapter Five; Case Study: The Boy in the Shower” and “Chapter 8; Case Study: The Fraternity Party,” you trivialize the experience of those who have been sexually abused, perpetuate misinformation and ignorance, and promote rape culture.

Knowing that your works are widely read and supported, we are left deeply concerned that this book will, in easily accepted ways, reinforce harmful systemic myths and biases about sexual violence. So, we are sending a call out to both you, and your readers, to please consider having a look for what has been missed in this book.

Sincerely,

Sandra Paulsen, Member, Board of Directors, Saskatoon Sexual Assault & Information Centre

Faye Davis, Executive Director, Saskatoon Sexual Assault & Information Centre

June 25, 2019 by Virginia Dakiniewich

SSAIC Newsletter – Charitable Giving Edition

SSAIC can’t wait to go out of business.

75-80% of our clients experience sexualized violence at the hands of someone they know and trust—a family member, a co-worker, a romantic partner…can you imagine the pain and confusion that causes?

As Saskatoon’s major service provider to victims and survivors of sexual violence, we work with clients of all genders to sort through the complex emotions of guilt, shame, and loss of self-esteem, in addition to life-altering consequences like dropping out of school, the inability to continue employment, and the loss of friends or family.

We don’t question the validity of a victim’s claims and we don’t push for the traumatic details. We let the client set the agenda and pace of their unique healing process.

The work is sometimes heartbreaking, but our clients are eternally courageous and healing is absolutely possible.

At SSAIC we hope for the day our services are no longer necessary, but until then we are proud to contribute our skills and hearts to the cause.

YOU can be a part of this important and transformative experience by supporting SSAIC with an online donation today. Below are three options for support; choose the one that suits you best, and please know that our Centre is made stronger with the support of community-minded individuals like you.

JOIN US! We believe survivors. We support survivors. And we advocate for change. YOU can help to make this possible by making a donation today.

The Great Canadian Giving Challenge is over on Sunday, June 30. That means you have only a few more days to make a donation to SSAIC (receiptable!) through Canada Helps.

Every dollar you donate (minimum $3 donation) enters SSAIC in a chance to win at $10K cash prize.

As SSAIC is running a deficit budget for the second year in a row, $10,000 would do a lot to help offset the lack of core funding.

Love SSAIC and want to support us with a regular donation?

You can create a recurring monthly donation through our website giving portal. All donations are eligible for a tax receipt.

SAVE THE DATE: Our 16th annual Luncheon en Vogue will be Friday, October 18 at TCU Place from 10:45 – 1:15.

The Luncheon en Vogue is SSAIC’s only annual fundraising event.

Tickets are $65 each or $520 for a table of 8. and available for purchase through our website. The 2019 Luncheon en Vogue will feature our signature police model fashion show, silent auction, 50-50, great food, and of course a lot of fun. The keynote speech this year will be delivered by Saskatoon’s men’s mental health advocate, and former SSAIC client, Allan Kehler. Invite a friend or 7 and get your tickets today!

May 13, 2019 by Megan Evans

Sexual Assault Action Plan for Saskatchewan Released Today!

Sexual Assault Services Saskatchewan (SASS), of which SSAIC is a member agency, released their 22-point action plan today, Monday, May 13, 2019. This release was timed to kickoff to Sexual Violence Awareness Week in the province of Saskatchewan, running May 13 – 17.

SSAIC Executive Director Faye Davis on the importance of taking timely action in regards to this plan:

“As a member of SASS, SSAIC is proud to be delivering this Saskatchewan Violence Action Plan to the people of Saskatchewan. The vast number of survivors of sexual assault in desperate need of services and support speaks to the urgency of this issue.

In the last few years many survivors have taken the brave step of breaking their silence about their victimization, drawing attention to their needs and saying enough is enough.

We, as citizens of this province, now need to break our silence as well. It is time for us all to come together to say, we hear you, and we will work for you. This plan is an important first step in calling us all to action.”

Download the plan today to learn more about the recommended points of action, and what you can do to support the work of SSAIC and other SASS member agencies.