November 15, 2019 by Virginia Dakiniewich

November 2019 Newsletter

Giving Tuesday is a global day of giving that happens each year. It is a time when Canadians come together to celebrate generosity and giving.

When survivors of sexual violence bravely reach out to us for help, we want to be there for them and not make them wait. The demand for our counselling services has exceeded our resources. We have been using donations we receive to shrink the wait time between the first call to our office to the first appointment with a counsellor from 7 weeks last year to 4 weeks at this time. But we can do better. We want to be there for survivors when they call. On Giving Tuesday on December 3rd and throughout the Giving Holiday Season we are asking those who support survivors to help us. Please consider a donation to SSAIC.

What’s new at SSAIC?

We are Currently Recruiting for Facilitators for “I’m the Boss of Me” our school-based childhood sexual abuse prevention program.
SSAIC has been fortunate to be able to offer this school based program for over a decade in partnership with the Saskatoon Public Schools and the Greater Saskatoon Catholic Schools Divisions. This program uses teacher lesson plans and an in-school puppet show presentation to deliver information to children in Grade 4 classrooms. Volunteers are recruited from the larger community to deliver the presentation through the puppet show and small group discussion with the children following the show, and trained to help address any disclosures of sexual abuse from children. Find out more ….

Perpetrators of Childhood Sexual Abuse often use grooming behavior as a tactic in abusing children. Learn about grooming and how to spot it if you see it here

SSAIC is a proud member of Sexual Assault Services of Saskatchewan (SASS). In May of 2019 SASS released the Saskatchewan Sexual Violence Action Plan. This Plan represents and honors the voices of survivors of sexual violence whose experiences inform 22 proposed Actions.

The 22 Actions will strengthen services, coordination, and prevention, and enable a more comprehensive response to sexual violence.

Please download and share the action plan so that we can all work together to end sexual violence in Saskatchewan and improve services to survivors who have been victims of sexual violence .

SASS Action Plan — **Saskatchewan Sexual Violence Action Plan** – Download

As part of the Action plan SASS also undertook research to garner a comprehensive understanding of sexual violence in Saskatchewan. As part of this research SASS surveyed service providers, communities and survivors to examine instances of sexual assault among individuals in Saskatchewan, the context surrounding the assaults, the services used by sexual assault survivors, and their satisfaction with these services. The survey report is available for download here

SASS Research Report infographic — **Sexual Violence in Saskatchewan: A Survey Research Report (2019) – Download**

The Survey Research Report is a summary of the survey portion of the research. Stay tuned for the release of the full Research Findings Report which includes findings from interviews, focus groups and surveys which will be released at a later date.

A 50-metre long cloth representing The National Residential School Student Death Register – with 2,800 names of children was presented publicly for the first time on a scarlet banner at the Canadian Museum of History in Gatineau. It’s a permanent reminder of fatalities as a result of the government-funded education program that spanned more than 100 years and forcibly removed more than 150,000 Indigenous children from their families.

The registry’s creation is a response to a call from the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, which presented its findings in 2015 after documenting the legacy of the schools including their goal to indoctrinate children and extensive physical and sexual abuse suffered by thousands of students.

The National Centre for Truth and Reconciliation (NCTR), University of Manitoba a permanent home for documents and statements gathered by the TRC, says the list includes children who died while attending residential school, as well as those who became sick and died in a medical facility or gravely ill children who died after being sent home. The Centre plans to update the memorial register with additional names as they are discovered.

For more information you can explore the website of the NCTR here

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May 13, 2019 by Megan Evans

Sexual Assault Action Plan for Saskatchewan Released Today!

Sexual Assault Services Saskatchewan (SASS), of which SSAIC is a member agency, released their 22-point action plan today, Monday, May 13, 2019. This release was timed to kickoff to Sexual Violence Awareness Week in the province of Saskatchewan, running May 13 – 17.

SSAIC Executive Director Faye Davis on the importance of taking timely action in regards to this plan:

“As a member of SASS, SSAIC is proud to be delivering this Saskatchewan Violence Action Plan to the people of Saskatchewan. The vast number of survivors of sexual assault in desperate need of services and support speaks to the urgency of this issue.

In the last few years many survivors have taken the brave step of breaking their silence about their victimization, drawing attention to their needs and saying enough is enough.

We, as citizens of this province, now need to break our silence as well. It is time for us all to come together to say, we hear you, and we will work for you. This plan is an important first step in calling us all to action.”

Download the plan today to learn more about the recommended points of action, and what you can do to support the work of SSAIC and other SASS member agencies.

April 16, 2019 by Megan Evans

Consent 201: Having the Consent Conversation

Written By Stephanie Locke, SSAIC Counsellor, MSW/RSW

Now that we know the basics of consent, it’s time to dig deeper so that we can all approach the consent conversation enthusiastically. “Affirmative consent” is an enthusiastic, voluntary, and mutual agreement among all parties to engage in sexual activity.

Consent can be communicated by words or actions; however, actions must provide unquestionable agreement regarding a person’s willingness to participate in the sexual activity¹.

Here are some tips that will help you to have the consent conversation with your partner(s):

Obtaining Enthusiastic Consent

Establish mutual interest before even considering sexual activity

If you’re flirting with someone, are they giving me eye contact, leaning in, expressing excitement?
Are you on the same page? (For example, are you looking for a relationship, but they’re looking for a casual hook-up?)

Negotiate consent verbally

Be explicit in asking for what you want

Yes, this can feel vulnerable, but consider how vulnerable you might leave someone feeling if you act without asking

Negotiate consent non-verbally

Practice reading your partner’s body language in non-sexual settings and check in with them to make sure you are reading them correctly
Understand that non-verbal cues can indicate “no” or a withdrawal of consent (E.g. pulling away, turning away, stiffening up)
Understanding your partner’s non-verbal cues might help you to come to a point in your relationship where you and your partner agree on an ‘only no means no’ approach to consent. This is when your partner permits you to touch their body in anyway within pre-established boundaries unless they explicitly say “no”

Encourage your partner to communicate with you

Check in with your partner during sex; remind them that they can say “no”. Ask, “Can I ____?”; “Is this okay?”
Check-in with your partner after sex. Ask, “How are you doing?”; “Would you want to do that again?”; “How was that for you?”; “I would like to try ____ next time, what do you think?”

Be aware of what makes your partner vulnerable

Avoid partners who are intoxicated; don’t exploit their vulnerabilities
If your partner has a history of sexualized trauma make it comfortable for them to talk about any relevant triggers and what helps them ground when they react to a trigger

Err on the side of caution

You won’t ruin the mood by checking in, but you will absolutely ruin any mood if you cross someone’s boundaries!

Providing Affirmative Consent

Communicate your intentions and limitations

Let your partner know what you are looking for; discuss your
Don’t assume that you and your partner are on the same page

Discuss the kind of consent that works for you

Do you want your partner to explicitly ask you before an escalation in intimacy or change in sexual activity? Maybe you use the “only no means no” approach. Some people are somewhere in between

Learn how to say “no” and get comfortable doing it

Practice saying “no” and setting boundaries in situations that aren’t sexual
Get to know yourself. Are you a people pleaser? Do you find it hard to say “no”? Consider working with a counsellor to address these tendencies

Provide continuous feedback to your partner

Give your partner positive feedback. Let them know what they are doing right so they keep giving you more of that!
Use verbal cues, “I like that”; “Yes!” and non-verbal cues, such as kissing, or pulling your partner closer

Err on the side of caution

If you are unsure it’s best to say “no” for now. Talk about it further before deciding whether or not to try it (and don’t be afraid to have that conversation outside of the bedroom!)
In the same way you can always revoke consent and change your mind to a “no”, you can also change your mind to a “yes”

References

The State University of New York. (2019). Definition of affirmative consent.

April 12, 2019 by Megan Evans

Consent 101 – The Basics

Written By Stephanie Locke, SSAIC Counsellor, MSW/RSW

Everyone is talking about it, but what exactly is consent?

Con•sent /kƏn’sent/

(noun) permission for something to happen or agreement to do something
(verb) give permission for something to happen or to agree to do something¹

Consent is agreement or approval for something proposed by another person. ‘Person A’ asks for what they want, and ‘Person B’ willingly gives permission for it to happen. Easy right? But there’s more. When it comes to sex, consent is a conversation that takes place before, during, and after any sexual activity.

Did you know that consent is an essential element of sex?

The Criminal Code of Canada defines consent as “the voluntary agreement of the complainant to engage in the sexual activity in question” and without consent, a sexual offence has taken place.

According to the Canadian Criminal Code, consent CANNOT be given under the following conditions:

The “yes” is provided by someone else
Sex is obtained through an abuse of power, trust, or authority
One person does not say “yes” or says or implies “no” through words or actions
One of the partners has changed their mind
One person is unable to give consent (unconscious, sleeping, or intoxicated)²

Cartoon by Kirkham, A. (2015).

The consent conversation is an ongoing dialogue between people who are sexually active with each other. It’s a two-part process that involves ‘Person A’ obtaining consent and ‘Person B’ providing consent. Our next post will discuss specific tips for obtaining and providing enthusiastic consent, so stay tuned. Consent is often talked about in terms of “enthusiasm” because it’s important that the person giving consent does so willingly and passionately. Consent that is not given in earnest is moving down a slippery slope toward coercion.

Here are some facts and myths about consent that might help clear up any questions:

Fact: The definition of consent is about agreement and permission. Ultimately consent is about saying “yes”. It’s about making sure that your partner is a willing participant in whatever sexual activity you take part in.

Myth: Consent is all about saying “no”.

Fact: It is the responsibility of the person who is seeking to engage in a specific sexual activity to obtain consent before moving on to that activity, regardless of their sex or gender. Consent isn’t a heteronormative concept; it applies to all people, all genders, all sexualities.

Myth: It’s a man’s job to get consent from a woman.

Fact: Consent is an ongoing conversation. Permission is required before moving to a different sexual act, whether that’s kissing, feeling, penetration, or otherwise. Permission is also required each time you want to engage in that act again. Permission once isn’t permission forever.

Myth: You only have to ask once.

Fact: Sexual assault will definitely “ruin the mood”. In fact, consider that if asking for consent will “ruin the mood”, you may be the only person IN the mood to begin with.

Myth: Asking for consent might ruin the ‘mood’.

Finally, if you’re feeling iffy about all of this consent business, consider this:

If you can’t talk to your partner about sex, should you even being doing it with them in the first place?

References

Google Dictionary. (2018). Consent.
Government of Canada. (2019). Justice Laws Website.

January 18, 2019 by Virginia Dakiniewich

January 2019 Newsletter

Welcome to 2019! The SSAIC office was closed December 21st at noon through January 1, and our staff have returned to work rested and ready to tackle the challenges the new year will inevitably bring.

As the #MeToo movement continues to roll steady, this year will see Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey on trial; R. Kelly’s past might finally catch up with him, and we are likely to see more victims from various industries join the chorus of voices speaking about experiences with systemic sexual harassment and abuse.

It’s worth remembering that not everyone who is sexually victimized is able to share their story or name their abuser, and the public is especially unlikely to hear the victims from marginalized communities speak out. So many people continue to suffer sexual violence here in Saskatoon, and in the province of Saskatchewan–this is an issue that hits home, especially when we consider that Saskatchewan is the only province without a sexual violence action plan (we are hoping to see one adopted by the Government of Saskatchewan in 2019) and the second-highest rates of sexual violence in the country (Manitoba has the highest).

Stay with us, dear subscriber, as we continue to follow the cultural shift in thinking about sexual harassment, abuse, and assault.

Thank you to everyone who donated to our first ever Holiday Giving campaign! Thanks to the generosity of our subscribers, we received over $1,300 in donations. This money will be used to support SSAIC operations, and we couldn’t have done it without YOU!

Must Read: Brendan Fraser’s #MeToo story is why more male victims don’t speak out
Actor Brendan Fraser went public with an allegation that he was groped by Philip Berk, a one-time president of the powerful Hollywood Foreign Press Association [HFPA]. After a cursory investigation by the HFPA, Berk’s actions were described as a joke, not a sexual advance. In the arena of sexual assault, men are not allowed to get upset but must “play along” or treat the assault as adolescent horse play. The same conspiracy of silence that silences female victims comes into full force with men. It’s no joke – read how society “victim-blames” male victims of sexual assault…

Gillette takes a stand against toxic masculinity in this viral commercial.

We hear a lot about reconciliation but there is still a long way to go. According to an Angus Reid poll, 66% of Canadians still believe Indigenous communities should not have control over their own affairs. Canadians must first acknowledge the facts about our relationships with Indigenous peoples. 2019 should be the year to go beyond the surface and seek approaches to transform Indigenous-Canadian relationships. Read more in this thought provoking article in Macleans…

We are booking shows for the 2019 season of I’m the Boss of Me; Grade 4 classrooms across Saskatoon will be learning about bodily autonomy, how to say NO, and who to tell if they are being abused and need help. Wondering if it will be happening in YOUR child’s Grade 4 room? Ask their teacher!

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